Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
