Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
