Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
babies were throwing up all over the place
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
