Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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