If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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