Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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