i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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