My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize