Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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