Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
