sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
