update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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