member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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