remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm at about main and main street
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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