Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
