Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
