you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
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It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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