are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
