My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
