Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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