The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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