Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
