Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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