I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I cannot find my penis.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
