I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I want to fling myself into the sun
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
