saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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