were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize