if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
