He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Randomize
