so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
