My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
