I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
