Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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