I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
