I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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