You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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