if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
false alarm, still single
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