I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
