I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
