Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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