I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
