Apparently you make a good broom.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
