pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
