you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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