He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
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i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize