why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
