we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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