My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Farmville is her only friend.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
