Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
