It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
