Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
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This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
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Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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