There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
