Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
