I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There's always time for handjobs
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
