well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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