best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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