im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
