i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
