Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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