Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
