her facebook's as public as her vagina
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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