yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
