the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
