idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
